Seventh straight quarter of decline as punters pick cheaper gear
The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple is finding out the hard way that what goes up must come down—especially in China. Its shiny iPhones are still losing traction, with shipments dropping nine per cent in the first quarter of 2025.
Apple sees a last-minute sales surge
Tariff panic sends iPhone punters scrambling
The cocaine nose jobs of Wall Street barely had time to flinch before punters started storming Job’s Mob’s stores, fearing price spikes after Donald [hamburger-eating surrender monkey] Trump’s latest tariff tantrum.
iPhone starts installing random Chinese apps
iOS 18.4 "feature" shoves Chinese games onto iPhones without asking
Some iPhone users updating to iOS 18.4 are getting more than they bargained for—namely, surprise apps appearing on their Home Screens, including dubious-looking games like Cooking Mama and Squid Game knockoffs.
Trump slaps Job’s Mob with brutal tariffs
Looks the bromance is off
Donald [hamburger-eating surrender monkey] Trump has slammed a monster 46 per cent tariff on regions key to the Fruity Cargo Cult Apple’s global production chain, driving up the price of iPhones, Macs, and just about everything else shiny and expensive.
Job’s Mob keeps switching Apple Intelligence back on
It seems the intelligent thing to do
The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple has once again decided it knows better than its users. With its latest iOS 18.3.2 update, it’s quietly forcing Apple Intelligence back on—even if Apple fanboys told it to sod off.
Apple's elite fanboys admit it is in trouble
Appocalypse now
Job’s Mob is in deep trouble and even its biggest fanboys are starting to smell the rot.
Poor security on Apple banking apps is getting fanboys killed
Three people convicted
Three people have been convicted for being part of a conspiracy to rob and drug people outside of LGBTQ+ nightclubs in Manhattan's Hell's Kitchen neighbourhood, which led to the deaths of two of their victims.
Apple worried about “its” first iPhone p*rn app
Available through third-party app store
Fruity cargo cult Apple and its minions in the Tame Apple Press are telling the EU, “We told you so,” after the first porn app for the iPhone appeared on a third-party website.
Apple’s results worse than expected
iPhone cash cow dying
The Tame Apple Press set itself to spin to save the company after the outfit announced falling iPhone sales.
Intel did not know how to be foundry
Apple told TSMC
Fruity cargo cult Apple chose to cosy up with Taiwan Semiconductor Manufacturing Company (TSMC) over Chipzilla for its custom silicon because “Intel didn’t know how to be a foundry.”