iPhone loses its shine

After years of talking up Apple’s iPhone, the Tame Apple Press is having to admit that the iPhone 16 is a dull product which needed to be a lot better.

Not so cutting edge, after all

While Tame Apple Press claims that the fruity cargo cult is at the cutting edge of AI development, its staff knows it is two years behind everyone else.

Cook calls him to make him promise to protect Apple's lunch money

Former US president Donald Trump claims that Apple CEO Tim Cook called him to get the EU to stop picking on the poor little cargo cult.

Mostly a spec bump

Apple, the fruity cargo cult, has just released a new iPad Mini with a faster A17 Pro chip that it claims supports Apple Intelligence.

New apps have slowed further

Apple’s Vision Pro is struggling to attract significant software makers to develop apps for its overpriced, poorly designed chocolate teapot.

Cutting the shelf life of security certificates

The fruity cargo cult Apple has made systems administrators unfortunate enough to work on its software furious with a cunning plan to drastically cut the lifespan of SSL/TLS security certificates from 398 days to just 45 days by 2027.

Brexit means copying Europe

The British government has now begun a consultation on whether it should follow the EU and India in implementing USB-C as the default charging port for all consumer devices.

Still out of the price range of most

The fruity cargo cult Apple has not done much to lower the price of a new “affordable” net Apple Vision device.

If we can’t invent it no one can

While Apple is unable to get a decent AI product on the market, it has decided to invest in scientific research which claims the whole thing is pants anyway.

Ohhh those Russians

The Tame Apple Press is shocked and horrified that its favourite company might be suffering from the worst leak since someone left iPhone 4 prototype at a bar in California in 2010.