Not ready to be released

After Jobs Mob lifted the embargo on the first wave of “non-curated reviews” of its Vision Pro headset the Tame Apple Press is being forced to admit publically that the gear is not ready for release.

Apple’s Vision Pro VR headset is a waste of everyone’s cash

Netflix is everywhere. It's on your phone, computer, and game console, even on the old Nintendo Wii, but it will not be on Apple's pricey Vision Pro VR headset.

Will have to help fund Putin's special operation in Ukraine

Fruity cargo-cult Apple has been forced to pay a $13 million Russian fine as President Vladimir Putin tightens his fist on foreign tech firms who are still trying to make money in his country.

The standards of the world have slipped even lower

Apple flogs 180,000 Vision Pro headsets to gullible fans who don't mind paying $3,499 for a largely useless glorified toy.

Hollywood Movers and shakers are starting to be miffed

Fruity cargo cult Apple’s traditional approach to its business does not sit well with the entertainment industry, which has signed up to make shows for its streaming channel.

Mysteriously can’t invent it after allat 

Apple is scrapping a blood-oxygen feature from its new smartwatches - the Series 9 and Ultra 2 - to avoid a US ban over a patent row with Masimo.

Tim Cook trousers $63 million despite slashing his pay target by 40 per cent

Apple boss Tim Cook has bagged a whopping $63 million in 2023, even though he had cut his pay target by 40 per cent from the previous year.

Don’t call them Vision Pro apps

Fruity cargo cult Apple is trying to slap some daft rules on those who want to release apps for its overpriced Vision Pro’s visionOS.

Apple in a jam

Apple is facing a massive lawsuit from the US Justice Department over its dirty tricks to keep the iPhone on top.

Can’t complain, must not grumble

The Tame Apple Press are terrified as arch-enemy Microsoft overtakes its favourite company as the world’s most valuable.