No one wants to queue for animated poo

Apple’s iPhone 8 launch day has been a disaster with hardly anyone showing up.

Wants you to pay for it any way

Fruity Cargo Cult Apple has admitted that its new Apple 3 watch is borked but it is going to sell it to Apple fanboys at the end of the week anyway.

Yeah right

The Tame Apple Press is going overboard to try to convince the world that Apple is not really forcing its users to pay a high margin.

You will have to pay £249 more than the rest of the world

Fruity Cargo cult Apple has decided that it really hates its UK fanboys and is making them pay £249 more than Americans for the new iPhone X.

While claiming that this year was the year of the Linux desktop

Jim Zemlin, President of the Linux Foundation, appears to have hit levels of fail unprecedented in the open saucy world.

No cookies on this Safari 

The biggest advertising organisations say Apple will "sabotage" the current economic model of the internet with plans to integrate cookie blocking technology into the new version of Safari.

Others are not supposed to look at your phone

The fruity cargo-cult Apple, yeah you heard it first here,  is famous for its "dog ate my homework" excuses when its overpriced technology suffers from design flaws – normally blaming the customers.

Shonky, and grossly overpriced court told

The fruity cargo-cult Apple is not having a good week - not only has its iPhone X launch been greeted with howls of derision, now it has been sued over the advertising for its overpriced Beats headphones.

To use some of the features you paid for you have to buy more stuff

Fruity cargo cult Apple is trying to flog an incredibly over-priced Iphone X but it seems that its $1000 starting price does not include important things like a charger.

So pay up

Qualcomm has published a blog post that praises itself and its Android partners for inventing all the industry firsts that the fruity cargo-cult Apple is claiming to have invented in its iPhone X.