Tame Apple Press tries to blame Tsar Putin

Fruit and nutty cargo cult Apple has slashed production of its iPhone SE, but rather than admit that no one wants to buy it, its allies in the media are trying to pin the blame on Tsar Putin.

Apparently it is no longer enough to work for them

After years of telling the world+dog that its staff were happy to work in the flying saucer in the hub of its cargo cult, Apple is now having to bribe engineers to stay there.

Apples are not the only fruit

If the New York Time’s obsession with hawking Apple products had not gone far enough, the New York Times is now trying to encourage readers into shady crypto currency scams. 

After only three outages 

Fruit and nutty cargo cult Apple claims it has resolved the issues that caused outages to its iMessage service which caused its iCloud services to crash three times this week.

Landmark laws 

Negotiators from the European Parliament and EU member states have agreed on a landmark law to curb the market dominance of United States tech giants such as Google, Meta, Amazon and Apple.

Rebaking saves having to develop new ones

Fruity and nutty cargo cult Apple is set to rebrand its A15 Bionic chips as A16 for the iPhone 14 launch.

Still refuses to say why

Fruit and nutty cargo cult Apple's Music, mobile App Store and Podcasts are going again after facing outages for two days.

In glorious Apple universe, initiative is blocked at the software level

Apple fanboy’s rejoiced this week when it was revealed that the new overpriced Studio might allow them to replace the hard-drive.

But it doesn’t matter really because Apple has some magic which will make it go away

Fruit and nutty Cargo cult Apple has admitted that its latest iPhone update ruins your battery, but it is ok because your phone will magically adapt to the problem until the next update.

Still refuses to change its business model

Fruit and nutty cargo cult Apple appears to have decided that it is worth spending $5.7 million flouting a Dutch anti-trust group rather than reforming its criminal antics.