Apple too broke for new staff
Can you lend us a fiver until pay day guv?
Fruity cargo cult Apple has decided that it can no longer afford to take on any more staff.
Mobile phone cash cow is dying warns Qualcomm
Predicting a ‘double-digit’ drop in phone sales
Anyone hoping to make money on smartphones this year is going to have a disappointing time, warned Qualcomm in its latest results.
Apple employee stole $17 million from the company
Ran a parts and services racket on the side
The US Attorney's Office for Northern California has said that a former Apple employee has been found guilty of mail and wire fraud charges related to other crimes that defrauded the company for a value of more than $17 million.
Apple claims to have invented deep fakes
US Patent Office even gives it a patent
The US Patent Office has granted Apple a patent for a deepfake technology that can alter someone’s face in a photograph, even though the technology has been around since Joseph Stalin tried to remove people he didn’t like from history.
Apple posts below par results
Saved by the Tame Apple Press
Apple posted results which were well below what the cocaine nose jobs of Wall Street expected, only to be saved by the Tame Apple Press who managed to talk the share price up.
Apple rejects Spotify’s updates
Keeping the rivals in check
Apple has been rejecting Spotify’s app updates claiming that they violate the company’s guidelines regarding online purchases.
Apple will agree to EU demands to upgrade its iPhone chargers
It has no choice
Fruity cargo-cult Apple has admitted that it has “no choice” but to upgrade the charging ports on its upcoming iPhones to follow an EU directive.
Apple hikes prices
No reason that global suffering and falling sales should hurt our profits
Fruity cargo cult Apple has decided that the best way for it to make money when no one want's its overpriced trinkets is to increase the prices of its other services.
Google gives Apple a taste of its own medicine
Will make Apple layouts look rubbish on Android
Google has had enough of Apple making messages from Android users look bad on iMessenger and is giving Jobs' Mob a taste of its own medicine.
Evans Hankey to leave Apple
Apple's hardware design takes another beating
Apple vice president of industrial design since 2019, Evans Hankey, has announced plans to exit the fruity cargo cult in the coming months.