The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple has unveiled its first major iPhone redesign since the X, trotting out the iPhone Air as the world’s thinnest handset at a punishing $999 price tag. Its main claim to fame is that it is 5.6mm thick and weighs less than a bag of crisps.
In a press release, Job’s Mob spent far too long going on about the engineering effort involved. It has a titanium build, a slimmer-than-sense battery, and a single rear camera with a 48-megapixel sensor. It crams in the A19 Pro chip and a 6.5-inch OLED screen with the usual ProMotion wizardry. But the reaction from its normally frothing fanbase was polite indifference.
The Wall Street Journal, which is normally in a rush to praise all things Apple, moaned that there was no ultra-wide lens, no telephoto, and it clings to last year’s battery life.
For example, Apple claims that with its new battery it can play 27 hours of video on a single charge, but most users will strap a $99 MagSafe battery pack just to get through a full day. At which point being thin becomes pointess.
“It’s beautiful but makes no sense,” said one longtime Apple devotee on X, formerly Twitter, apparently unimpressed with Job’s Mob’s anorexic aspirations. Others mocked it as “form over function for people who don’t use their phones.”
Even Counterpoint Research analyst Neil Shah admitted the real game here was pleasing Chinese punters by trying to out-thin Huawei.
He thinks that Apple should have created a foldable iPhone. Although given the structural integrity of this one, folding might be accidental.
Meanwhile, the basic iPhone 17 might be a sleeper hit. It keeps the same $799 price, doubles storage to 256GB, and inherits the Pro’s 120Hz screen, tougher ceramic glass, and an upgraded 18-megapixel selfie cam with Apple’s silly “Center Stage” tracking.
The iPhone 17 Pro and Pro Max got a more meaningful overhaul with new aluminium shells, a raised camera “plateau” that makes it look like a cheese board, and triple 48-megapixel sensors. Job’s Mob claims up to 8x “optical-quality” zoom, although it takes a 12-megapixel hit to get there. Your Instagram snaps might still impress your nan.
Prices have crept up to $1,099 for the Pros, which Jobs’s Mob blames on a bump in storage tiers, though the standard model has the same capacity without the hike. Funny, that.
The new AirPods Pro 3 come with squishy foam tips that supposedly stay put and noise cancellation that Apple claims is twice as good. The AI-powered live translation feature could not be demoed because it was too loud, apparently.
As for the Apple Watch Series 11 and Ultra 3, the former wants to monitor your blood pressure but will not say anything unless you’re hypertensive and patient.
If you want an iPhone thin enough to disappear between the sofa cushions, the Air might be your thing. Everyone else should go for something that still has room for a proper battery.
