If you are not going to buy a new phone you must pay us anyway

Fruity cargo cult Apple is so poor after its iPhone cash cow didn't do as well last year, it has been forced to tax users by jacking up the cost of replacement batteries. 

Just in case that kept you up all night 

Apple traditionally does not say what components it slaps under the bonnet of its iPhone cash cow, so the Tame Apple Press was surprised that its CEO Tim Cook revealed on a trip to Japan that it uses Sony image sensors.

One ring to rule them

Fruity cargo cult Apple has worked out a way to make its watch redundant as a health app by replacing it with a censor ring that relays the data to the iPhone.

Faith in Apple tech wasted cash and risked lives

A Denver detective lead a SWAT team into a retired woman's home to rescue what he believed was a stolen iPhone 11.

Yes Apple, the law does apply to you

The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple was shocked after the Brazilian government enforced a law it democratically voted on and pulled its iPhone’s from stores across the land.

Ruins the “premium experience”

Staff at the fruity cargo-cult Apple are hacked off at their management’s move to fill the iPhone with advertising.

Blames the Chinese Covid lockdowns

Fruity cargo cult Apple is insisting that its new iPhones are in short supply, despite cutting back on production because no one was interested in them.

It has no choice

Fruity cargo-cult Apple has admitted that it has “no choice” but to upgrade the charging ports on its upcoming iPhones to follow an EU directive.

Cash cow really stuck

Apple has slowed production of its flaghip iPhone 14 Plus 'by 40 percent' just two weeks after the September launch because consumers are not touching them with a barge pole.

Shares tumble as cash cow stuck

Apple fanboys are ignoring Jobs’ Mob’s latest iPhone offerings in droves leading shareholders to see darker days ahead for Apple.