Apple flees China, eyes India for US iPhone assembly
Tariffs push Job’s Mob to double down on Indian production
The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple is scrambling to shift all US-bound iPhone assembly to India by 2026, as US tariff tantrums make China too hot to handle.
PC and smartphone growth hits the skids
UBS and Gartner slash forecasts
Beancounters at UBS and Gartner have added up some numbers and divided by their shoe size and reduced their PC and smartphone market forecasts, citing “mounting pressures from trade tariffs and broader macroeconomic uncertainties” that will hammer consumer demand through 2026.
Job’s Mob nudged for selling smoke as substance
You can't say something is intelligent when it isn't
The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple has quietly walked back its “available now” claim about its Apple Intelligence features after the National Advertising Division gave it a sharp nudge for being a bit too enthusiastic with the truth.
iPhone flops again in China as Xiaomi eats Job’s Mob’s lunch
Seventh straight quarter of decline as punters pick cheaper gear
The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple is finding out the hard way that what goes up must come down—especially in China. Its shiny iPhones are still losing traction, with shipments dropping nine per cent in the first quarter of 2025.
Apple sees a last-minute sales surge
Tariff panic sends iPhone punters scrambling
The cocaine nose jobs of Wall Street barely had time to flinch before punters started storming Job’s Mob’s stores, fearing price spikes after Donald [hamburger-eating surrender monkey] Trump’s latest tariff tantrum.
iPhone starts installing random Chinese apps
iOS 18.4 "feature" shoves Chinese games onto iPhones without asking
Some iPhone users updating to iOS 18.4 are getting more than they bargained for—namely, surprise apps appearing on their Home Screens, including dubious-looking games like Cooking Mama and Squid Game knockoffs.
Trump slaps Job’s Mob with brutal tariffs
Looks the bromance is off
Donald [hamburger-eating surrender monkey] Trump has slammed a monster 46 per cent tariff on regions key to the Fruity Cargo Cult Apple’s global production chain, driving up the price of iPhones, Macs, and just about everything else shiny and expensive.
Job’s Mob keeps switching Apple Intelligence back on
It seems the intelligent thing to do
The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple has once again decided it knows better than its users. With its latest iOS 18.3.2 update, it’s quietly forcing Apple Intelligence back on—even if Apple fanboys told it to sod off.
Apple's elite fanboys admit it is in trouble
Appocalypse now
Job’s Mob is in deep trouble and even its biggest fanboys are starting to smell the rot.
Poor security on Apple banking apps is getting fanboys killed
Three people convicted
Three people have been convicted for being part of a conspiracy to rob and drug people outside of LGBTQ+ nightclubs in Manhattan's Hell's Kitchen neighbourhood, which led to the deaths of two of their victims.
