Tim Cook reckons the “personal Siri” only half-baked

The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple’s much-hyped “Apple Intelligence” revamp of Siri is struggling to remember its lines, with company boss Tim Cook telling the cocaine nose jobs of Wall Street that it is still nowhere near ready for showtime.

Tech-savvy pensioners have sharper minds

Scaremongering over digital dementia has taken a hit after new research found that older adults who regularly use smartphones, tablets and computers show lower rates of cognitive decline.

Took longer than we expected 

The tablet is about to follow its number one promoter Steve Jobs into his unmarked grave, according to beancounters at IDC.

It turns out they are pretty pointless

Search engine Google has finally admitted that tablets are pretty pointless and has given up making them.

In time for Apple to invent two years later 

The company, which brought the world the tablet and the touchscreen smartphone, is working on adapting Windows to work on foldable devices.

Negligible other changes

Fruity cargo cult Apple refreshed some of the prices on its iPads and Macs while offering some negligible improvements.

So much for game changers

The market for game-changing, super cool keyboardless netbooks is slumping lower than Donald Trump’s approval rating amongst educated black women.

Overall consumer sales decrease in Europe

A report from market research company IDC said that sales of Samsung tablets exceeded Apple machines during the third calendar quarter of 2017.

Not the design –  the gouging of users

While Microsoft makes a Surface Pro which is far better than Apple products, the software giant has copied Jobs’ Mob’s marketing and price gouging antics.

Announcement comes in April alongside Apple's spaceship campus HQ

Apple is expected to move ahead with production on its mid-size, 10.5-inch iPad model later this month, rather than a previously expected timeframe of May to June, according to the latest reports from the Taiwan-based supply chain.