Looking to recruit slum dog millionaires

Fruity Cargo Cult Apple is looking to replace what is predicted to become a shrinking market in China by adopting a missionary position for its cargo cult in India.

Tame Apple Press is spinning like a mad thing

Yesterday we warned the Tame Apple Press would be spinning what were expected to be bad results and we were right.

Admits that others are doing the same things cheaper

Apple's latest wave of adverts seem dedicated to the fact that its rivals are producing products that are the same and much cheaper

They will be great honestly

The Tame Apple Press is gearing up to spin tomorrow's financial results, even though there are some suggestions that they will not be that great.

Delayed by Apple

Samsung and TSMC have started production of the chip which is supposed to be under the bonnet of the iPhone 6s.

But only has 20 percent of sales

You might love your android phone as much as you want but the numbers seems to be working better for Apple. 

Let's make our phone look like a handgun

While a big chunk of Americans don't believe Darwin's theories, it seems that Apple fanboys are doing their best to remove themselves from the genepool.

You can't afford us any more, see ya

While Greece is worried about having to give all their cash to the Germans, at least they will not have to worry about its citizens wasting their money on Apple's latest musical gimmick.

This time on purpose

While Apple was rightly mocked for releasing a phone which could bend easier than a Romanian gymnast it seems that the Knight of the Rounded Rectangle Sir Johnny Ives thinks it was a pretty super cool idea.

Just like its users

Taiwan's top Apple analyst has released a prediction that the next iPhones will be thicker than the last—0.2 mm thicker.