CFO insists government stake is “a great deal for taxpayers” while debt pile looms

Shares of Troubled Chipzilla crept up two per cent after Intel finance boss David Zinsner reassured the cocaine nose jobs of Wall Street that the firm’s long delayed Altera divestment was finally close.

Share prices fall six per cent

The cocaine nose jobs of Wall Street are worried about Intel’s future after the surprise “retirement” of Pat [Kicking] Gelsinger this week.