Apple fanboys cheer at assault and battery

The fruity cargo cult Apple appears to have come up with a novel scheme to force Apple fanboys who refuse to buy a new phone every year to buy one anyway.

Starts from $5,000

Apple has confirmed that its workstation grade All-in-One will be available on 14 December, but before you think of rushing to the shops, the shiny toy starts at $5,000.

Tame Apple Press furious

The Tame Apple Press is spitting bile that the search engine outfit Google has released information which will help people hack the iPhone.

Apple staff need counselling

The Indian Government has told the fruity cargo cult Apple that it will not be a special tax case.

More gimmicks

The fruity cargo-cult Apple, which has problems writing code which can tell the time accurately, is splashing out nearly half a billion dollars on a gimmick which allows Apple fanboys to identify which Coldplay or U2 single they are listening to by pointing their expensive iPhone at it.

Tame Apple Press cheers

The Tame Apple Press is celebrating after Google experienced a huge stuff up of its Chromebook services.

You probably weren't expecting this

Apple's Homekit has a bug which allowed people to not only open your front door remotely, but unlock your garage, switch your smart plugs off and on, and mess around with your thermostat.

iPhone 8 is better

US consumer group Consumer Reports has rubbished Apple’s iPhone X and claims that Jobs' Mob’s iPhone 8 was a better phone despite being much cheaper.

Trick cyclists ahoy

Honor - Huawei's mobile phone company - held a massive event in the City of London yesterday and vowed to take on giants Samsung and Apple and beat them at their own game.

Sort of

The Fruity Cargo Cult is starting to pay back tax in Ireland, despite the fact it has denied doing anything illegal.