The needs of the few will be finally met

The Khronos Group, a consortium of hardware and software companies, has announced that the Vulkan graphics technology is finally coming to Apple's platforms, allowing games and apps to run at faster performance levels on Macs and iOS devices.

Upgrade to an expensive new Apple TV

Fruity cargo cult Apple has decided that the easiest way to get its users to upgrade to its new Apple TV is to pull the plug on iTunes.

And still the problem increases

One of the good things about being a huge company which makes piles of dosh over a couple of products is that no one notices what you are doing wrong in a smaller part of your empire, and this is precisely what has been happening with Apple and its cloud.

Competition is too brutal warns Huawei

The smartphone industry is set to consolidate as crucial players surrender to the market leaders, warned a Huawei bigwig.

Help my owner is an idiot

The programming geniuses at Apple have installed another feature in iPhones which means that they randomly call the emergency services when they are being serviced.

Pretty much what the EU has been saying all along

The Irish government's tax man was asked by the government what he thought Apple owed the country over its dodgy tax arrangement and he agreed with the EU.

Apple doomed unless it can come up with something else

IDC beancounters have added up some numbers and worked out that we have reached "peak smartphone" which means that unless Apple can come up with a new cash cow, it is doomed to maintain or lose its stonking sales figures.

Thou shalt not have any gods before Steve Jobs

The fruity cargo cult Apple has taken its first stand against rival religions by banning fanboys from celebrating the most significant holiday on the Christian calendar.

Comedy programming strikes again

The fruity cargo cult Apple’s comedy programming team have come up with a super, cool, well designed, bug which crashes your phone, iwatch, iPad or apple television by pressing a single letter.

Don't stick it on your desk or anywhere useful

Apple's overpriced, overhyped speakers have a feature that Amazon, and Google don't – they destroy anything wooden they are placed on.