More gimmicks

The fruity cargo-cult Apple, which has problems writing code which can tell the time accurately, is splashing out nearly half a billion dollars on a gimmick which allows Apple fanboys to identify which Coldplay or U2 single they are listening to by pointing their expensive iPhone at it.

Tame Apple Press cheers

The Tame Apple Press is celebrating after Google experienced a huge stuff up of its Chromebook services.

You probably weren't expecting this

Apple's Homekit has a bug which allowed people to not only open your front door remotely, but unlock your garage, switch your smart plugs off and on, and mess around with your thermostat.

iPhone 8 is better

US consumer group Consumer Reports has rubbished Apple’s iPhone X and claims that Jobs' Mob’s iPhone 8 was a better phone despite being much cheaper.

Trick cyclists ahoy

Honor - Huawei's mobile phone company - held a massive event in the City of London yesterday and vowed to take on giants Samsung and Apple and beat them at their own game.

Sort of

The Fruity Cargo Cult is starting to pay back tax in Ireland, despite the fact it has denied doing anything illegal.

Novice security flaw patch destroyed by update

Apple’s comedy programming team has struck again and released a software update which undoes an emergency security patch which undid a security flaw which was so basic a toddler on crack would not have written it.

Users pay for Apple’s spat

Apple users are having to pay in terms of performance if they are stuck with an iPhone X with an Intel modem.

Peasants fed up with being told to eat gateau

It seems that French peasants are revolting at the way that the fruity cargo cult - Apple - is being allowed to avoid paying tax while they are being told to eat cake.

Wants to hold on to market share

A report said that Apple will introduce a 9.7-inch iPad next year, with a comparatively low price tag.