
Apple sold 432,000 exploding MacBook Pros
Super, cool and game-changing destruction
Fruity cargo cult Apple has had to recall more than 432,000 15-inch 2015 MacBook Pro with Retina Displaying due to a super cool gaming changing exploding feature.

Rounded rectangle inventor quits Apple
Wants to make new shapes
The man who invented the rounded rectangle and an office where people walk into invisible walls has decided to quit Jobs' Mob to form an independent company.

Apple gives Japan Display $100 million
Jobs taketh away, Jobs giveth, praise be to Steve Jobs
Japan Display will receive a $100 million investment from Apple, its biggest customer.

Apple continues to spend cash on self-driving cars
Writes a cheque for Drive.ai.
Apple Inc on Tuesday confirmed that it had acquired self-driving shuttle firm Drive.ai.

Apple tries to baffle EU regulators with dodgy stats
Why relying facts be your anti-trust defence when you have spin.
Fruity cargo cult Apple has presented a bunch of dodgy statistics to the EU to show that Spotify does not hand over a third of its income to the outfit.

FTC stops Qualcomm using Apple documents in its defence
“Improper, unfair, and prejudicial.”
The US Federal Trade Commission objected to a move by mobile chip supplier Qualcomm to introduce internal Apple documents in its fight to stop the enforcement of a May antitrust ruling.

Apple gets back to its roots
Our PCs are catching fire again
The fruity cargo cult Apple appears to be returning to the days when its Apple Macs could be guaranteed to catch fire on press day.

17 percent of Apple fanboys dont take ear buds out for sex
And they wonder why they can't breed
More than 17 percent of people who buy Apple ear-buds are so attached to their over-priced and useless gear they don't take them out even to have sex.

Apple to move a third of production out of China
Will take 18 months
Fruity cargo cult Apple has decided to spend the next 18 months avoiding the impact of US/China tariffs by moving a third of its production out of China.

Apple badgers evil technology companies
Just as well we are pure and holy.
The maker of tech that became famous by stealing ideas from other companies and claiming it invented them says it is terrible when other companies create chaos while doing that.