Will also require it to “walk its talk” on green recycling

The Tame Apple Press is furious as it discovers that the European Union is moving closer to enacting a law that will not just require smartphones like the iPhone to have easier battery repairs, but will tell it how much of a battery must be reclaimable after recycling.

It is a product of Thailand – Siamese if you please

While Apple claims its oversized and over-priced cheese grater is as American as Apple Pie, it is officially labelled that is made in Thailand.

Tame Apple Press agrees that ten-year-old models are better than the 2023 version for some

Macrumors has compared the new 2023 Mac Pro to older models and found that there will be users who would be better off saving their cash and keeping machines that have been running for a decade.

Tracking partners who reject you using  AirTags will be a criminal offence

Apple fanboys who stalk those who reject them using the Apple AirTags could be deemed criminals in Ohio after the state's Republican-led Senate made their pervy antics illegal with a unanimous bipartisan vote.

Appealing rulings

Fruity cargo-cult Apple and "Fortnite" maker Epic Games have asked a US appeals court to reconsider its April ruling in an antitrust case that could force Apple to change payment practices in its App Store.

Out-of-date, over-priced and nothing we have not already explored

Desperate to find a way to advertise Apple’s pointless VR specs, the Tame Apple Press has asked Mark Zuckerberg what he thinks of the technology and if he is ready to surrender his metaverse dreams to his superior Jobs’ Mob overlords.

Help we are running out of ideas

While the Tame Apple Press is doing its best to advertise Job’s Mob’s overpriced VR specs which will be apparently released next year, the company has rushed out and bought some existing tech.

Analyst view: Starting at $3499

Apple has finally acknowledged that it has been working for years on the eXtended Reality product. XR is a collaborative term that unifies an Augmented and Virtual reality device under one umbrella. Apple’s announcement shared sufficient details to create excitement around VR and give us some idea about the device, but it left some key elements out, including storage options and RAM.

Even the monkeys in the Tame Apple Press can’t find much positive to say

Fruity cargo cult Apple debuted its iOS 17 yesterday and it was so dull that even the Tame Apple Press could not find much to get excited about.

Late, out-of-date, impractical, and hideously over-priced

Fruity cargo-cult Apple has finally released a product for rich kids who were dropped on their heads by their nannies.