Speaking at the Intel Vision conference, Tan pledged to axe bits of the company that aren’t central to its mission while banging the drum for custom semiconductors designed to please actual customers — a wild concept at a firm that’s been talking to itself for years.

“We have a lot of hard work ahead. There are areas where we’ve fallen short of your expectations,” he said.

Tan, 65, has just slid into the top job after years of lurking on the board. His predecessor, Pat [kicking] Gelsinger, was nudged out by the suits after fumbling Intel’s once-legendary product pipeline and flailing in the AI chip wars. Job’s Mob and Nvidia have left Chipzilla eating silicon dust.

“It was very hard for me to see it struggle, I simply could not stay on the sidelines knowing that I could help,” he said.

He has his work cut out for him. The company’s data centre and AI offerings are rubbish, its engineering bench is thinned out, and its factories — the ones it dreams of turning into a chip foundry business — haven’t convinced many outsiders.

“We fell behind on innovation. We have been too slow to adapt and meet your needs.”

He’s not ready to cleave the company in two, but admitted the conversation is bubbling around whether it should split manufacturing and design. For now, he’s sticking with the full-fat version, just with fewer hangers-on and more bespoke parts built the customer’s way — not Intel’s.

Wall Street’s cocaine nose jobs were not exactly wowed. Intel shares slid 1.2 per cent in after-hours trading, dragging along with the broader tech selloff.

Tan insists he’s in for the long haul. Just don’t expect miracles before tea.